Yes, I am posting two days in a row. Hold on to your heartbeats.
Before I forget (again), here is an excellent story about my son, which I intended to share in last night’s post.
So there we were at the glasses store, and the girls had chosen theirs, and the Boy had broken his, and we were sitting with the lady starting all the paperwork (read: payment of gigantic amounts of money), and the Boy was distressed because we wouldn’t let him play with any more frames, and I attempted to distract him by introducing him to the lady.
“Boy, this is Janeen. Can you say hi to Janeen?”
He stared for a moment, then gave in. He can never resist new people. “Ha Daneen!”
She beamed at him (good customer service), and said “Hi! You have pretty eyes.”
His hands flew to his eyes, and he nodded. She continued: “Can I have your eyes?”
His response was instantaneous. He shook his head and said firmly “No. Dat’s MINE.” Hee hee hee 
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Speaking of my supposedly upcoming supposed MA exam, today I emailed my professor. Here’s what I wanted to write:
Dear Professor,
My kid had a stroke a year ago. Ergo I have been a wreck for about a year. I also suddenly discovered I hated my career right when the economy tanked. Ergo I’ve been unemployed and trapped in this house and ergo miserable for TWO years. Baruch Hashem I am also pregnant. Ergo I have been sick and even MORE miserable for the past five or so months. All this adds up to really suck a lot. Plus I had been under the impression for the last 7 or so years that I didn’t need to take this stupid exam. So let me get right to the point. I’ll sit and pretend to think, but please just pass me regardless of what I write. Just think; if I graduate, you won’t have to deal with me anymore, except when I email you friendly little questions about various Jewish history matters. So passing me is win-win. On the other hand, if you fail me, I might die. I have done (almost) no studying whatsoever, but could YOU study if your kid had a stroke? Come on, a stroke. You can’t even imagine, can you? Didn’t think so. So, do we have an understanding? Thanks so much.
Miriam
What I actually wrote:
Dear Professor [actually, I forgot that part, though I don't think he'll care],
Still hoping to blah blah take my exam blah blah format how many essays how long will it take blah blah blah. Thanks,
Miriam
[No, I am not concerned about him possibly seeing this blog. He doesn't know about it, but even if he somehow does see it, I am not worried. I have my reasons. And I do NOT think he'll pass me if I don't deserve it, nor do I think he'll fail me just because I wrote this.]
I also need to continue my harassment of the morons at the Dept of Education. The person who used to be the private school liaison chairlady just retired. Some dude has taken her place. I don’t have his email or phone number, but I started making attempts to get them. I could just call the general number, of course, but that might actually lead somewhere, and guess what? I’m scared. 
I also want to call one or two of these lawyers whose names I’ve gathered. Actually, I don’t want to call any of them; I want to already know them, and already have had a conversation with them, preferably over email, because if I use the phone, I might die. But the point is, I need to communicate with one of them, somehow. But I don’t want to have to pay any of them, see, because WOW are we broke. Heh. So what I need to do is find out which of them is most likely to enjoy doing free favors for rabbis. How does one go about determining that? Unfortunately all I have are phone numbers, not email addresses; otherwise I could send out a mass email and just ask all of them. “Whoever makes the first pro bono offer gets ten extra points with God! Twenty, if we can swing it!” They’d be biting like sharks. But I can’t do that. So now what? Should I examine each of the names and try to see which one sounds the most like a person who would do something free for a rabbi? There’s one named Christina; is that a better or worse bet than Joseph? This sort of thing is really hit or miss.
What I COULD do, of course, is quit sitting around writing procrastinating blog posts, and actually do one of these things. Any of them. Or I could study. Of course, I have to leave in about half an hour to retrieve my children from camp, so oops — looks like there’s no time to really sink my teeth into any of these pressing matters. Too bad.
Tags: Dept of Ed, Stroke, The Boy
