You know that episode of Raymond where he took his sons and his sons’ friend to a sporting event of some kind, and he told them not to bother cleaning up their garbage because that’s what they pay the janitor for? Or something like that? So it turned out that the friend’s father was a janitor, and it was this whole big fat awkward thing, and I didn’t see the whole episode but I’m assuming it was a big fat awkward thing because Raymond was being a big fat lazy insensitive dolt who was taking the janitor for granted, and teaching his kids to do the same.
So here’s what I’m wondering. Never mind, I’m not wondering anything. Thank you.
So there are two things that I don’t think Einstein really said. One is that there are two ways to view the world — as if nothing is a miracle, or as if everything is a miracle. This quote is all over the Internet, attributed to Einstein, but being both a skeptic and a historian, I didn’t just blindly accept that he’d said it when a bunch of websites was my only evidence. So I did a little digging, and now I’m pretty sure he didn’t say it, but I invite anyone to prove me wrong.
The second thing that I don’t think he really said is that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting a different result. Or something like that. Now I didn’t bother researching this one, but from now on I’m just going to assume that Einstein didn’t really say anything that anyone thinks he said. I’m betting at this point that he didn’t even say that weird thing about gravity, or the universe, or whatever it was.
Anyway, whether or not Einstein said either of those things, I think they’re both instructive statements, only unfortunately, at least by this definition, I appear to be insane.
When will you learn. Cease and desist doing this thing, Miriam. You will never, ever get a different result.
I know, you have no idea what I’m talking about. But I do. Maybe I’m hoping that I’ll listen to my blog, if I won’t listen to myself.
Do you ever feel like you’re two different people, and that talking to one of them is like talking to a wall? I do.
See? Insane. If you don’t believe Einstein, you’ll believe me. She’s two people. She talks to herself and she thinks she’s two people. Lord have mercy, she’s lost it.
Only I haven’t lost it, and here’s the proof:
That’s a really bad, really blurry picture of the stand-up comedian I went to see last night, in the back room at the end of a long, twisting corridor behind a particular kind of establishment in Brooklyn. And when I say “I” went to see him, I of course did not go alone, but I was accompanied by a person who was… decidedly not my husband. Heh. This really isn’t G’s sort of thing, see. I don’t exactly know that it’s “my” sort of thing either, except when I really, really need to get the hell away from everything, as far away both physically and mentally as I possibly can on a random night in the middle of a regular week, and then… it is totally my sort of thing. And again I say: Heh. 
So we went, and the comedian was hilarious, and one of the four who preceded him was also hilarious (more hilarious, in my opinion), and one of the four was horrifically stupid and torturous to listen to, and the other two were fairly funny, although one of them made one joke that was just too dirty and unpleasant to be funny. I mean, I appreciated the humor on a sort of intellectual level, but the unpleasantness really pulled the rug out from under it, at least for me. I don’t know what my fellow runaway thought of it. I’ll have to ask her on our next excursion. Because God in heaven, there will be another excursion. And you see, this excursion proves that I haven’t lost it, because it shows that I’m handling at least one level of my insanity.
Hats off, by the way, to my husband, once again. He handled the homework-dinner-bedtime routine by himself for three nights in a row, so I could drive out of state to visit my poor suffering bedridden friend (Monday night); pass out asleep at 6 PM because I’d gotten up at 5 AM so I could drive back home (Tuesday night); and then go out for a wild night on the town (ha) in an effort to handle my insanity (Wednesday night). He’s really a wonderful human being. And so, by the way, is the dear friend at whose house I crashed on zero notice at 11 PM Monday night, and so is her husband, and so is the dear friend with whom I traversed to Brooklyn last night, and so is her husband, and yadda yadda yadda. No really, it’s all true.
Perhaps I should go to sleep now. Snow day tomorrow, and I now know how to make pancakes from scratch, so maybe it’s time for some warmth by the proverbial fire. Or maybe we should bake hamentaschen. Or both. Good night.
Does you husband “G”, the Orthodox Rabbi, read you blog? Does the author of the book?
And who is that comedian?
C’mon now…you gave us 90 minutes notice and you didn’t let us feed you. Hardly worth a mention, really.
Random Reader:
There is no “book”; I work with a number of authors. You may be correct, however, that that was not the most felicitous way to discuss my clients. I might edit the post.
Yes, my husband reads my blog. I doubt he’ll have a problem with this post but if he does, I will of course change or delete it.
I don’t want to name the comedian. Not sure why, but there you have it.
No, you may not leave comments on my blog without providing a valid email address. Please don’t do so again.
You went out on a date and it wasn’t with me???!!!!
For shame!
Einstein did say the one about G-d not playing dice with the Universe. Turns out he was wrong (quantum mechanics and its associated randomnesses and probabilities are real), but there you go.
He was NOT the star of the story in which a student bests an atheist teacher. He also did not fail math. Something about how German grades 100 years ago were scored from 1 to 5 where 5 is the best (unlike here where A is the best). Not even sure the explanation is true. Urban legend all around? Definitely.